This Life as I see it

So, becoming a mom is one of... if not THE... most difficult thing you can ever go through. Is it beautiful? Absolutely. Do you feel like the luckiest person in the entire world? Yes. It's scary. It's so much pressure. Everyone paints this picture of "yeah, it's so hard! You don't get sleep. It causes stress in your relationship. It's so expensive! Well yeah...but so does prom night. Those things are so so so so minor in the grand scheme. I (someone who requires a real 10'hours of sleep a night) have become totally cool with 4! Coffee. It's one of life's most beautiful pleasures. Wanna know what's hard about becoming a mom? Missing your old life. Freedom. Feeling lonely. Yes, it's loud, you're always with someone... but you miss adult interaction... conversation... you may even start losing some hard earned brain cells. Worry. Fear. What will be my childs struggles? Will they have friends? Will they be bullied? And for what? H...

Ya know, it’s got y’all talkin... and thinkin... about people who are “different”. For that, I’m forever thankful! Dahlia is creating an awareness about a birth defect that before was never really talked  about. I didn't know what it was. I had heard of it, some jibber jabber about folic acid, and I knew they tested for it. I had no idea there were different types, that no two were the same, that it created nerve damage throughout your body... how many organs were affected... that this would be us and our new normal. So I've thought so much lately about normal. It hit me here.. Me: "Why do I clean? I swear I mopped... I cleaned for hours! Now it's trashed, it kills me." Adam:" Yeah babe, it kinda sucks. But we have three children and it's just life right now. This is our new normal." Our new normal. Thinking about that makes so much sense to me now. It answers so many questions that have stirred in my brain. "Why are they crying when t...

Who remembers the kid that sat by themselves everyday at lunch? Who was that kid? Why didn’t anyone ever STAND up and go say hi? Share a pb&j sqaure... trade some pretzels. I have always told Adam that is my only goal as a mom... to raise children who will give up the cool table and say what’s up? Give them a chance. We have often talked about adoption and how we both want to add someone to our family who is totally different. Maybe a different skin color or culture...even language. We both feel like that would help to teach our babies diversity,  culture, equality. We got our wish without even adopting when sweet Dahlia entered the world. This baby is totally different than the norm and she is so extra specia! The girl gives me goosebumps when I kiss her nose. Remember those WWJD bracelets? You know you do. I rocked um and have thought so so much about them lately. The people who designed those- they totally knew what they were doing. My kids act up “HEY! What would Jesu...

She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. SHES HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's the coolest, toughest, cutest, MOST AMAZING BABY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What. A. Whirlwind. It has literally been a crazy long checklist. We have had to go head to toe staring at the brain and check off all organs to ensure that they are working. Brain: three days post op her brain ultrasound showed no signs of hydrocephalus- PRAISE JESUS. 8 days after birth her head circumference is totally normal- thank you God. Lungs: we were told she wouldn’t cry when she was taken out bc she would likely need a little assistance. She cr...

PRAYER....  Everything.  Intimacy... connection... friendship... trust... giving up all control... believing... handing it over... lifting it up... thanking... begging for forgiveness. Your father, your friend, your confidont, your God.  Dear Heavenly Father,  I thank you for YOU. I thank you for finding me, for seeking me out, for choosing us.. Thank you for your all night conversations and for never allowing me to be alone. Thank you for your precious gifts. The reminders you send daily reminding me you're here. Thank you for loving me and my sweet family. Thank you for forgiving me over and over again and allowing me to have multiple chances to try again. Thank you for my sisters that have held me up and encouraged me and prayed over me and my family. Thank you for your provisions... they just keep coming. Dear Lord please place your healing touch on our sweet daughter and allow her to be fueled by your strength. Keep her safe. Help her to u...

Quick Summary: 36 weeks pregnant Dahlia has myelomeningocele Spina Bifida which is the most severe type. Her spine isn't closed and nerves are being exposed to amniotic fluid while spinal fluid is leaking. She wasn't a candidate for fetal surgery b/c nerve damage had been done already (which obviously can not be reversed) and also b/c they didn't see significant hind brain herniation which is a good thing . We decided to go to Vanderbilt and have a post natal surgery to close her spine... the best ever, Dr. Brody is coming with (BLESS him). Potential affects: Myelomeningocele will affect her motor skills. It isn't likely to affect anything cognitive. Motor skills being movement and function below the lesion. Her lesion is at L4/L5 which is great as it is super low on her spine. She will possibly have hydrocephalus; however, her brain ventricles are dilated minimally and WE PRAY she doesn't have it. If she does, we pray it won't present right aw...

Poppin' that 1950's housewife dream. I try. I REALLY try! I remember I used to fantasize about being a 1950's housewife (so much so that my counselor even knows allllll about it). I pictured my children waking up to the smell of bacon, cutting sandwiches into sweet little crustless hearts and leaving handwritten notes in each lunch box. Every evening faced, well-manored children would dive into daddy’s arms as he walks in briefcase in hand. I would kiss him gently and tell him to put his feet up and turn the news on while I handed him an icy mugged beer and pulled bread from the oven. My lips would be glossed, I would have a new strappy dress on and my house would match my appearance. Fresh cut flowers to greet any and all guests as well as the smell of lavender candles and dim lights.  After saying hello, we would walk around and admire my home, my garden, my art. FOR REAL, EMILY?  GET A REAL JOB. I mean... THAT is ridiculous. This is real life: I pick up in ...