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It's not about 2020



It's not about the number. It isn't about a bad year or a global pandemic.

We were all unraveling. 

We needed to be stopped in our tracks and reset. 

Money, things, glitz and glamour. Gossip, lies, false realities. Newsflash: Social media isn't actually LIFE.

When the world shut down, it was all taken away. We were all FORCED to look within... to expose those dirty little secrets and to deal.  We lost jobs, money, community, the ability to move fast and unintentionally. We couldn't cover up our lives on insta anymore. Suddenly a fat dose of reality was served... what's this life? What am I making of mine? WHO AM I and what GIFT do I need to be GIVING?

Light is being shed in my life and cockroaches are dispersing. For me, it's in my relationships, and clarity is in full contrast giving me no option but to SEE who is there and what kind of mutual love is being given. I see my husband and our marriage has never felt so secure. I cherish that man and everything he stands for. He protects me, us all. He is my ride or die, my one. He sees ME and he loves this person. That is a gift that is SO rarely given and it is literally bigger than my brain can comprehend.

I see who I am and am more comfortable than ever in my own skin. This body was given to me and I love it and all of the magic it has performed through my 3 babies. I have fought to have this voice and it is not going anywhere anytime soon. I see my mishaps and I see room for growth. I can recognize my gifts and am finding ways to utilize them. I just want to keep moving, to keep rolling, I want to do the hard stuff. I want to look at the things that have taken up unnecessary space in my heart and bid them farewells. I am JUMPING at new beginnings.

I know where I need to be and the layers that need to be shed.  I have found the ability to put that fight... that passion... into my light, the people who give me and my family life/smiles/happiness, my health, good and healthy relationships, community for my babes. I can't help but feel grateful for the reset and the time that I have been forced to slow down and observe. I am forever thankful to be having conversations that would never have happened, to advocate, to say hard truths, and most importantly to hear. 

2020 was full of isolation, death, overdoses, suicide attempts, stress, FEAR, depression, and uncertainty. Why is it that 2020 gave me an unexplainable amount of peace? It's in the truth. 2020 was hard, but it was full of truth. It showed us what is real, it revealed people's hearts, it showed intentions or lack there of, you saw who would show up and who ... just wouldn't. The economy, the election, the debates, the social media wars. We saw so much truth. Transparency is ugly and scary, but so comforting. There is no place to hide, truth is my peace. 

It's hard... truth. Sometimes it's easier not to see or know. But today the sun is shining and the light is bright. 

Thank you to our neighbors, CrossFit,  Thrasher for constantly showing up and showering our family in love. 

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