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Beautiful disaster.






We're grindin'.. all of us... day in and day out.
Wake up early, so much caffeine and the day to day begins. 
My day looks like this:

Wake up around 6 am and stumble to the kitchen to make 3... yes THREE cups of coffee- survival yall.

I make breakfast for hungry mouths, lots of juices, lots of pancakes, and lots of me saying "SIT DOWN!". I then beg them to get dressed... I ask probably 6 times before I start pulling clothes off at the table and shoving shoes on feet while heads are in tablets (judge away).

Everyone bundles up, Dollie gets strapped to my chest, and we hold hands and walk to school.
We all give hugs and say goodbye and then Lola runs back and gives hugs again and we say goodbye once more. On the walk home, Brooks and I discuss important topics like, "Mommy, there was a bear in the front yard. Did you know they eat coconuts?" "Coconuts.. really?" "YEP!". Once we're home, I put dolls down for a morning nap and Brooks has some low key chill time watching a movie or helping me pick up.

The house is TRASHED.. crumbs everywhere.... clothes everywhere.... diapers everywhere. Dip cups from Adam. SO MANY SHOES. Dishes covered in old food and random squeeking toys strone throughout the house. By now, Brooks is bored and typically begins his cause and effect routine of... fill water, pour it on the floor. Open this cabinet and pull all of the things out. Make my own chocolate milk and spill it everywhere. Climb on the trashcan to get to the top of the fridge and find all things off limits. Or scream and stomp to wake up Dollie... all fun games!

 Dollie wakes and we hurry out the door to do something fun. Playground. Museum. Zoo. Playdate. Walk. Errands. After everyone is worn out, we come home for lunch and nap just in time to wake up, strap Dolls to me, hold hands, and walk to the school to get Lola. When we're home, we talk about her day, do homework and I start cooking dinner, feed Dollie, feed big kids, bathe Dollie, bathe big kids and put Dollie down. The big kids walk in a solid 3 times and she goes UP and DOWN. At this time- DADDYS HOMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TIME.TO. POUR. THE. WINE. Mommy grabs a glass and kicks up her feet for an hour while daddy does all kinds of crazy imaginary play. Last night they sat in a tent and told stories. After several attempts of up and down, the big kids lay down, we say prayers and I am SO pooped I usually crawl into bed too.

This is stay at home mom life. There is a lot of yelling, a lot of poop, a lot of cleaning, so many meals to be made, lots of putting people to bed and then putting them to bed again, AND lots of yearning for your husband to walk through the door. There are lots of texts begging friends for playdates and tons of being interrupted by teeny kids. Sometimes there are spankings, sometimes tears of guilt and regret for doing something ridiculous infront of your children or to your children. It isn't the workout, layout, shopping gig that I was once convinced a stay at home mom was. It's blood, sweat, and tears yall. Like ugly crying sobbing tears of hoping you aren't ruining these people. Praying that you'll do better tomorrow. Yelling at them and half way hating them and stroking their sweet hair as they sleep.

 It's the best kind of tug and pull you could imagine. The most beautiful disaster you could ever paint. Its a hurricane with a rainbow in the distance. The feeling of losing someone you love but knowing they're better off. Being a mother is something I always thought I was made for, but daily I admit to hating the job and dreaming of a full time job. Mom life is like a ying yang but one thats tie dyed and square. HA.... giggling my way through this sleep deprivation while I count down the hours until DADDYYYYYY comes home again. :) CHEERS to all you mamas... you're doin' it. 

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