Momming is all I know right now. It's legit my whole life. Every smile, every struggle, every meal, every activity, all of it, #momlife. I would apologize for the repetition of mom talk, but if you're reading this you might be a mom too. Maybe not. If not, this is MOM LIFE- harder than thug life. SO MUCH HARDER than thug life. SO as a mom you're always talking to other moms... WHOA, has your child ever... today was SO hard!... I hate these hours!!!... what did you do when so and so did this?... Like on a daily you hear."We have just had a DAY!" "So and So has been a PILL today!" "It's been a STRUGGLE"... "He's been a BEAR!" That's polite. Kids can be JERKS. Not pills... not bears... JERKS... straight up butt heads. Today I was a terrible mom. I yelled. I cussed. I said SHUT UP! I used words like stupid, made all the threats. . . it was ROUGH! Here is the TRUTH: nobody was a pill and we didn't have a "...
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I have been lost. In adulthood. In wife life. In motherhood. Where did I go? Me... Emily. The photo junkie, jewelry artist, music loving, traveling fool. What happened to date nights, or even late nights? Slow dancing to Billie Holiday with a bottle of red while fish tacos cook in the kitchen. I day dream of Costa Rica and shopping sprees, sleeping in with my handsome man next to me and having coffee in bed. Let's talk self care. It used to mean pedicures and massages, a weekend getaway or a girls night. It's no secret that life is hard and somewhere in the midst I've lost myself. I have forgotten who i am aside from being a wife, a mom, a friend, a daughter. I don't get my hair done or my nails. I would die for a massage or just a fancy bath where I could soak as long as I want. I could use a few strokes of mascara and could totally benefit from some whitening strips. I didn't realize I had abandoned not just these superficial things but also TRULY carin...
Praying for a miracle. It’s ahmazzzing how many times Dollie has met someone who says “I’ve been praying for you! It’s so nice to meet you.” Like, what?! People have prayed for her and not even known her... or us! Can you even fathom that? MEETING someone who has already been praying for you!!? Often I hear, "I'm praying for a miracle". Its got me thinking... what is that? What's the miracle? Is it that she will walk? That her Spina Bifida will be cured? So here's the thing... I wouldn't take it away. Why? Because God PERFECTLY knit her together for US. He chose HER to be our baby and US to be her family, like whhhhat? This story was written so so so so so SO long ago and we're finally living it. He knew exactly what we needed and gifted us with Dolls. Does that even make sense? I think of it kind of like my 16th birthday hoping for a car... a beater of a car, ANY car! I would LOVE a Honda Civic but will be totally cool with mom's h...
As I sit in this hospital room listening to the clicking of the IV fluids and a sweet little teeny tiny baby snore, I endulge myself with a 16oz mocha and a chocolate chip muffin and think two things: Dollie is the toughest person I have ever met and this shiz has been hard. Yesterday at 8:00 am central time Dahlia underwent a 4 hour surgery to repair her grade 4 hydronephrosis of her left kidney and to release both of her Achilles’ tendons in her tiny baby feet. At 20 weeks pregnant I went in to Dr. Brody’s office for what I thought was a typical ultrasound. It was me and Brooks and it turned out it was my 20 week anatomy scan. As Robin scanned me she noticed that the baby’s left kidney was dilated but assured me that it sometimes happens and not to freak out. She continued to scan that baby and as she got to the brain she grew more quiet than normal. At that time Dr. Brody popped in and looked at the screen and I could see with the exchange of looks that something was wron...
It feels like so many people have "felt sorry" for us... they have "felt" for us... pitied us even. It legit confuses me. I get that we were dealt something super unexpected, but to be completely honest with you, I think I always knew. I always feared that I couldn't do it.. and I AM... we're doin' it and it is not life taking.... it is so life giving. Yes, we have a child who was born with a physical difference... some would say a physical disadvantage. Is that different than my disadvantages internally? My heart is ugly at times... I judge, I anger so quickly, my patience is like... ugh. Can I run? Yeah. Can I be kind to my children? Not always. Do I "hate" that woman who is perfectly skinny in her beautiful range rover with freshly ombre'd hair in her lulu lemon tights and long puff Patagonia stumbling in from yoga class to pick up her child? Sometimes. That's envy. That's coveting.... you know those sweet little ten comm...
Dollie is scheduled to have a pyeloplasty on her left kidney on Wednesday November 14 at 8:00 am central time. I am in no place to answer questions, talk details, or small talk... just vein real. Please feel free to research it... and also PLEASE keep her in your prayers as this day approaches and she spends 2 hours in the OR. Dolls has had an issue with her kidney being dilated since I was 20 weeks pregnant... I have known this time would come and we want to make sure we are doing everything possible to ensure health. Before we ever saw brain ventricle dilation, before we ever knew it was myelomeningocele... we saw the kidney. I had so much hope that it would resolve itself, it just hasn't. This isn't an elective procedure... this is mandatory to save her kidney. So the bladder has a small tube at the bottom of it that attaches it to the kidney... the ureter. Right where Dahlia's bladder and kidney attach the ureter is pinched, so to speak. The kidney is an ...
The million dollar question. Probably, yes. But likely with braces, maybe without and maybe not forever or maybe forever. Now that we’ve addressed that you better GIVE ME YOUR WORD that you’re going to read this TO THE END. Promise? Some people have just straight up asked. Some people ask with their eyes but no words come out. Some people send the “Maggie I walking!” Video to say she will too. But everyone wants to know- is Dahlia going to walk? Straight up- her walking is like NOTHING in the grand scheme. To you, it may seem like it’s only 9 months away. To us that’s 270 days of imaging, contemplating surgeries, cast changes and trips to and from Vanderbilt. We are watching for normal urine output, pain, eating behaviors, headaches, soft spot softness and rest routines. We are scheduling physical therapy, occupational therapy and developmental therapy at 3 mos old. Spina Bifida, to me, before I was thrown into it was just about paralysis, too. You...